“Instead of pulling teeth, can you replace my head?” Tremont didn’t let the fingers or stainless steel tool poking around his mouth keep him from talking.
The dentist continued issuing verbal notes to his assistant.
“And I’d like it with a full head of hair.”
“Tremont, this will be faster if you could hold still.”
“I got it, doc.”
When he left the Dentist’s office with one less tooth inflating a swollen jaw, while clamping a compress to absorb the bleeding, Tremont was certain any dentist had to be a masochist to even want such a job, let alone pay to go to school for it. He pondered: was every dentist’s office a misery factory?
Back at home, he was glad he took the afternoon off before lying down into a haze of Lidocaine throbbing numbness.
He awoke when he heard his wife driving into the garage.
Tremont rubbed his aching jaw. More than ever he thought there had to be a better way to deal with bad teeth.
Maya, stepped in, “Honey, how did it go?”
Tremont forced a smile. “Just another day at the torture chamber.”
Maya frowned, her gaze lingering on his swollen jaw. “Can you eat?”
“Only ice cream,” he chuckled unconvincingly, wincing at the movement.
Maya’s eyes shadowed with worry “How about some yogurt?”
“Nah. I’m going to try to get some more sleep.”
After midnight, Tremont awoke in pain and ventured to the bathroom. Repulsed by the sight in the mirror, he inadvertently knocked some items from the sink countertop to the floor.
Maya appeared, rubbing her eyes. “You OK?”
“My face looks like a prizefighter who lost a brutal bout with a hornet's nest."
Maya reinspected his jaw. “It’s a little better than when I came home.”
“My god, I was only kidding when I told the dentist to give me a new head, but he took it seriously.”
“Huh?” Maya was backing up towards her need for sleep. “Is that your painkiller talking?”
“I'm going to be arrested for impersonating a human."
Maya sleepily whispered, “Come back to bed,” and she was gone.
Tremont stared at himself in the mirror until the initial shock wore off and then started to study the top of his reflection: Am I at least any closer to a full head of hair?
by George Alger
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